We all know that porn is a romance killer that effects the brain, heart and world. We know that men are a huge target for these productions and though both men and women have struggled with an addiction to what we know as porn, it’s mainly a struggle for males. Roll with me on this. You’ll see where I’m going.
Men are a more physical driven gender and it creates an unfair physical expectation that women just can’t measure up to because fantasy isn’t real life. It’s impossible for men to expect women to measure up to the fake reality of sex that is being presented to them. Perfect hair and make up, lighting, etc. is just ridiculous and incredibly damaging to a relationship.
Now, travel with me to the girl’s mind or emotions, rather. While men are a more physical driven gender, women are a more emotional driven gender, right? We want to be pined after, wined and dined. We want to hear how beautiful we are and how much we mean to you. My favorite thing my husband does is write me little love notes, while his favorite thing I do for him is scratch his back or hold his hand or, since we are married, have sex (sorry mom, but there’s only one way to get grandchildren).
So I have this theory. When we watch The Notebook and see Ally reject Noah, only for him to build her dream house and wait on her forever or when we watch A Walk To Remember and see the cool guy abandon all of his friends to pursue a girl with a terminal illness who happens to be a super nerd at school, it all just pumps unrealistic expectations in our minds on how a guy should fulfill our emotional needs. On Friends when Ross rushes over the airport to stop Rachel, THAT IS NOT REAL LIFE. In real life, Noah would have moved on because his pride would not have let him go so deep into that hole and it’s kind of weird that he built this whole house for Ally who was engaged to another man!
Chick flick movies… are porn for girls. Girl porn. Men do not do the insanely romantic things that the movie productions show you. Trust me, I have an amazing man and it just doesn’t cross their minds to do ridiculous stunts or gestures like Hollywood portrays. Does he do sweet things? yes, of course, but it would be so unfair for me to think, “I wonder what he will do for my birthday this year… surprise me with a hot air balloon ride and a new puppy after we got into a big fight the night before?” No! We are human and it’s unfair for me to expect these things of him because he won’t measure up and I will constantly be disappointed! Just like I will disappoint him if he puts those physical expectations on me.
I remember after I watched a chick flick a few years ago, I thought of Justin and resented him a little bit for not being that guy on the screen. When I thought about what it was doing to my mind, I immediately stopped watching those movies or guarding my heart when I would watch them, recognizing that they are fiction and my heart is being cared for just fine.
I’m not saying I’ve never watched a chick flick and I’m not saying I won’t ever again, but when I’m watching This Is Us, I have to constantly remind myself, “This is a show, not real life.”
I’m just saying… watch out for the unrealistic expectations you’re putting on your significant other…