One of my friends recently told me about an experience she had with a Boo Boo Dude and I asked her to write about it so we could share it with you. It’s all too familiar to myself and I’m willing to bet you’ve found yourself in a similar situation. You’re in for a great read, sis!
Bye Bye, Boo Boo
“It was the best date I’ve ever been on” I said with my morning coffee in hand babbling away to my best friend on the phone about the night before.
7 hours, 3 restaurants, endless conversation, (it didn’t help that his eyes were the most beautiful color green I’d ever seen), and it felt like I had met someone who made me feel excited about dating. Our spark was something I had yet to experience my three years living in NYC.
I couldn’t wait until the next time we went out.
As I refreshed and opened my phone probably 150 times the next day, eager to hear from the man who HAD to be in the beginning stages of falling in love with me, I found myself waiting not just one day, no just two days, but an entire week before we’d ever be in contact again.
“He’s probably been so busy with work this week…”
“Maybe he didn’t want to seem too eager you know?…”
“Honestly, he’s not really a texter so this is totally normal…”
Isn’t it interesting how quickly a woman can make excuses for a man’s mistake?
I’m learning that our ability to build scenarios in our minds has way less to do with the guy and way more to do with ourselves.
We don’t want to think the post-date-giddy-high was one-sided. We don’t want to think that there’s anyway he couldn’t be interested in getting to know me more. We don’t want to think that one amazing date would be just that...one amazing date. There MUST be more, right?
Fast-forward a WEEK…radio silence.
He hasn’t texted, he hasn’t called.
So I listen to some Beyonce and remind myself girls, do in fact, run the world, and I pull the trigger and send a text to see if he wanted to grab coffee on Sunday.
And you know what he responded?
He didn’t respond.
“Am I being ghosted?” I asked 12 of my friends, my mom, the maintenance guy in my office, my coworkers, the barista at La Colombe, and frankly anyone who would listen to my millennial sap story .
I couldn’t believe it.
But here’s the most frustrating thing about a ghost....they know they are ghosting you.
(quite literally a boo-boo dude)
Remember when doe-eyed lil’ ol me sat around giving this guy the benefit of the doubt?
When a man shows you who they are, believe them
Let me write that again because it’s way too good not to repeat.
WHEN A MAN SHOWS YOU WHO THEY ARE, BELIEVE THEM.
He was showing me he was uninterested and unavailable so it was time to accept and begin to laugh at all that had transpired a mere week and a half ago. He wasn’t a bad guy, he just wasn’t for me.
A few weeks later with the help of some red wine, my daily boxing class, and a lot of jokes to make light of my love life and the fact I’m quickly becoming the queen of the one date curse, boo-boo dude was in the past.
So I thought….
When all is good and right in your world, they come knocking on your door.
In 2019…it’s a slide into your DM.
I was shocked.
The only thing weirder than encountering a ghost, is when they come back to haunt you through Instagram.
So this scenario could have gone two ways
The no response leave him hanging like he left me, read receipts and all.
2. Call this dude out.
Subtly has never been my strong suit, so I chose the latter.
Not only did I call him out, but I gave him a name:
“Oh, hello Casper.”
Did I expect a response? No
Did I care if he responded or didn’t? No.
My little jab was a moment of recognition.
I know your game and I’m not playing it.
Sometimes to ignore is to condone, and dating is hard enough as it is. We owe it to ourselves to be upfront and honest. I chose to be exactly what he wasn’t to me...with a side of sass (of course).
At the end of the day, I’m glad it played out the way it did because it helped me to realize I don’t need to put too much pressure on a good thing. The date was great. The conversation was great. I truly think he is a great guy, just the wrong time and with the wrong girl because I don’t deserve to be shoved aside. None of us do.
As Lauryn Hill says, “Babygirl, respect is just the minimum.”
So ladies next time you find yourself harping over or chasing after a boo-boo dude, feel confident enough to hit him with a “bye, bye” and move on.
Casper ain’t worth it.