First let’s revisit the ‘gram that started this conversation:
Sis, let’s talk. We gonna talk about some BooBoo Dudes. These are the ones that don’t deserve your time or attention, yet you worry if they’ll text back. These are the ones who haven’t treated you well but it’s nice to be noticed. The ones who conveniently forgot their wallet or maybe have used blatant manipulation to try and keep you on the back burner while they are doing who know what with who knows who. A BooBoo Dude treats you like a side chick when you deserve so much more. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Why. Are. We. Letting. This. Continue?
Are you scared of being alone? Do you not feel worthy of respect? Is shame keeping you from seeking real love? Is your loneliness lowering your standards? ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
I get it, I’ve been there. I know that feeling, but imagine I’m sitting across from you holding your hand because I’m seeing you and I’m interested in your heart. I want to know why you’re hurting and to share some ways I found healing. I want to care for your pain point and help you up every time you stumble. He should too. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Of course he’s not one of your girlfriends, but he should be invested, intrigued and excited to talk to you. He should be pumped to provide a meal or a fun date. & when he’s not, BYE! ⠀
Whatever is holding you back from stepping into the treatment you deserve, let’s work on getting it out of here. Let’s unveil each lie, each hurt, each scar and replace them with God’s Truth about who you are in Him so we can be DONE with BooBoo Dudes!! ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
I met Justin 6 days after I decided that I would dictate how guys treated me and not to waste my time otherwise. That’s turned out quite nicely I must say.
Okay, now that you’re all caught up, let’s dive deeper into this conversation.
After posting that, I had a little DM that said, “How do you know if he is a BooBoo Dude?” This is a great question so I asked yall as well as some of my close friends. We had an overwhelming number of replies and I wanted to share them with you.
Without further ado, “You know he’s a BooBoo Dude when….”
He says he’s into you, but won’t follow through or text back
He is making you do all of the work like initiating conversation, dates, etc.
He isn’t making you a priority
He isn’t interested in your day/how you’re doing.
He makes you feel like an afterthought.
He’ll make plans but bail at the last minute & doesn’t try to reschedule
He has some sketchy/questionable actions
He is controlling toward you, but isn’t afraid to blow you off
He wants to hang with you but not your friends/isolates you from your friends
He doesn’t keep his word
He’s controlling & manipulative
He’s selfish - not just towards you, but everyone
He leaves you on read
When you’re constantly questioning his intentions/feelings for you
My personal favorite reply from my SIL, “If you have to ask, he probably is…”
These are all SO true and the thing is, you know how to spot them. It’s clear by the flood of replies I received that you know exactly what some actions and characteristics of a BooBoo Dude is. The question is, “What are you going to do about it?” Will you stay or will you take a leap of faith in obedience to God’s plan for your life and remember your worth? I know it reads black and white but feels so grey in the moment. The hard part is making the choice. The freedom is in your obedience when you take a step in faith because you know God has better for you. We feel like it’s so hard to make such a choice, but that is literally the one choice that catapults us into a life of choices just as difficult when it comes to a serious relationship. Love is a series of the hardest choices in life and it all begins with how you love yourself.
Here’s what one of my best friends (‘Sup Jenny) had to say about a BooBoo Dude:
Things I wish I would’ve known :
-It’s not that hard to spot one!!
-A booboo dude may or may not have a job.
-He gives less than 100% effort at basically everything he does.
- He has no realistic ambition in life - he’s not a guy that’s gonna hustle
-he will always let you pay
- you always come to him, he doesn’t make effort to come to you
- and if your family loves you, they’ll see the truth. My sister told me once “He likes you. I see it. But I can also see that he doesn’t love you. He’s never gonna put you first. But he likes you enough to stay with you. He will never break up with you.” - She was right.
- you’ll find yourself pursuing him bc a booboo dude won’t pursue you.
- the biggest one, a booboo dude doesn’t have character - that’s why they’re booboo. So you can see the lies, tactics, manipulation from a mile away.
DONT let a booboo dude convince you that if you love him better or treat him better or do more for him or forgive him one more time then he will suddenly see you and see your value and how amazing you are. This dude is not gonna change so give it up sis.
To quote Christina Yang, “He is not the sun. You are.”
^ Jenny Johnson