Grieving through engagement

I'm extremely impressed at how graceful my family is handling the loss of our favorite man in our attitude with each other. We're more patient with each other and over all just closer together, which is such a blessing. 

But, I have to confess, all of this wedding planning has a grey cloud looming over it with Poppa gone. I know he's in heaven with Jesus and that's amazing and I know all of the things people say to try and show me a silver lining, but the bottom line is that he won't be at my wedding and that's devastating to me. I want him there when I go try on my dress and for all of the details. I want him to do his mumble and point thing when he reluctantly nods yes to me asking for something ;). 

I'm sure my Grandmother doesn't do this, but since I'm so far away, it's easy for me to forget that he's gone...then a sobering memory brings me back to reality and it feels like a brick falls on my chest. 

Justin said he was the first person he would've asked permission from to marry me, which is true and I know Poppa loved Justin and that we're all taken care of because Justin is like The Standard Jr., but gosh it puts a lump in my throat. 

I'm sure, by now, I've talked about it so much that you know, but our plan is to go to a mountain in CO with our parents & siblings (& Grandmother) for our tiny ceremony, then have a big reception at the house later, and I can't help but hear the song below as I imagine us all there, remembering Pop, up on that mountain. 

Thanks, Vince Gill. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6jXrmAKBBTU